When Avoiding Responsibility Stops Working

When the Wheel Turns: A Therapist's Reflection on a Client's Awakening

In my practice as a therapist, I’ve seen many people arrive at the point where they can no longer outrun the consequences of their own choices. 

One particular client’s journey stands out to me as an example of what I would call a spiritual awakening or at least the painful, necessary beginning of one.

For confidentiality, I’ll change details, but the essence of their struggle is worth sharing for anyone curious about what "dark night of the soul" work can really look like.

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Carrying Burdens Without Accountability

This client spent years avoiding responsibility for their actions. They described a life pattern of juggling people and obligations, accumulating burdens without ever setting them down or truly examining them. 

In sessions, they admitted they'd kept moving from one situation to the next without reflection, blaming bad luck or others’ choices rather than their own.

They were exhausted physically and emotionally. Their health was deteriorating. They felt stuck in every direction: unable to move forward, unwilling to go back, incapable of moving laterally.

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Spiritual Stagnancy as "Jail"

We talked about what it felt like to be in this “spiritual jail,” where life simply wouldn’t move. They recognized that their own refusal to take accountability was the lock on that prison door.

When people resist looking at their own behaviors especially when those behaviors hurt others they often end up carrying a massive weight.

 For this client, that looked like deep regret over walking away from meaningful relationships, engaging in repeated cycles of infidelity or betrayal, and constantly trying to balance things they weren't truly committed to.

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A Turning Point: The Wheel of Fortune

One day, the client described an overwhelming sense that something had "flipped." They couldn't keep living that way.

They talked about reading, watching videos about personal growth and concepts which, in some belief systems, represents an energetic doorway for transformation.

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Surrender to the Path

What struck me most was their language of surrender.

“I don’t want to keep pretending anymore,” they said.

They spoke about feeling called to lay their burdens down, to be honest about the harm they’d caused, and to stop running from the consequences.

They were learning to sit with shame instead of defending themselves against it.

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The Role of Silence in Healing

Meanwhile, the people they had hurt especially one important relationship they couldn’t forget had gone completely silent.

In therapeutic terms, this person had enforced a boundary. They refused to keep engaging in toxic dynamics, instead moving on with their own spiritual growth.

This silence wasn't punishment; it was a declaration: “I’m no longer participating in your self-destruction.”

For my client, that silence was deafening. It forced them to confront themselves without distraction.

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Dark Night of the Soul

As they described their current state, it was classic dark night of the soul:

• Sleepless nights

• Obsessive self-recrimination

• Replaying the past

• A sense of spiritual judgment

They admitted it felt like the universe was forcing them to see the truth.

“I can’t stop thinking about what I did,” they told me. “It’s like I’m being shown all of it on repeat.”

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The Fear of Approaching

One thing they shared was the fear of reaching out to apologize. They felt deep shame, but also terror that their apology wouldn’t be accepted or that it would be seen as self-serving.

They also confessed they were still entangled in unhealthy dynamics perhaps a relationship that felt karmic or codependent. This, they recognized, made them unfit to offer anything meaningful to the person they’d hurt.

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The Importance of Accountability

What I told them, gently but clearly, was that healing requires accountability.

Without admitting the harm they've done not just to others but to themselves there’s no path forward.

They wanted to skip to reconciliation without first earning forgiveness, even from themselves.

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The Need for an Honest Apology

We talked about how true repair begins with honest, unflinching apology. Not a promise to change everything overnight, but a simple acknowledgment.

This client realized they’d been trying to manifest a better life while dragging around all the karmic weight of deception, betrayal, and avoidance.

They began to see that, in spiritual terms, you can’t pass through any “portal” into a new life if you’re still chained to the past.

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A Final Reflection

For therapists and spiritual seekers alike, this story is a reminder of the real work of awakening.

It’s not just learning new ideas or exploring mystical concepts. It’s the painful process of stripping away defenses, seeing oneself clearly, and accepting responsibility.

It’s confronting the ways we have harmed others and ourselves.

It’s making amends wherever possible not to manipulate or soothe our own guilt but to truly honor the humanity of the people we’ve hurt.

That is how transformation happens. That is how the wheel fortune truly turns.