🤐

 you know, i suck at letting people go. you always told me we were ‘friends’ before we were lovers. and that kind of stayed with me. so when we realized it wasn’t working between us, we called it off. and that’s fine. shit happens, i get it.

but hurts is how you just moved on like it was nothing. as if i never really mattered to you. i respect your ‘healing process’ and everything but i kind of thought that we can still be friends. because truth be told: i still care for you. i care for you not in a ‘i-want-you-back’ way but in a ‘if-you-ever-need-someone-to-talk-to-i-am-here’ way.

look just because the love between us ran out doesn’t mean the friendship should too. some part of me still thinks we are on a ‘break.’being friends with an ex is difficult. your mind keeps going back to old stuff and trust me, i get it.

 but just want you to know that i kind of miss my friend that i had found in you.i miss laughing and judging other people with you at restaurants selfi viral. i miss all of that.

 i sort of know, that this is a very selfish feeling to have, but it is what it is. and maybe this is what happens when you fall for your bestfriend. if you break up, you lose everything, at once.

I am sorry for being this person. but it hurts how quickly you were able to move beyond all of this.i saw you with someone, the other day. you were smiling without a care in this world. my friends don’t even talk about you know, in front of me.

i think this is how it works for you. you will keep pretending that i don’t exist and i will keep pretending that i am not hurting and we’ll wait for all these feelings to disappear.

i know, we’ll never talk. i know you’ll never call me at 1 am and to talk about things. i know all of this will never happen. but if it ever does, don’t say that you still love me.

it has taken me months to reach a point where i can lie to myself about not loving you. and if you say that to me, i will tell you that i love you even if it’d kill me from the inside.

i suck at goodbyes. i am sorry.